After much searching and praying I think I figured out why God has given me this time of waiting. I think I've been placing too much emphasis on how the transplant may change my outward appearance. For example, my hopes of getting rid of this barrel shaped chest, my hope of getting rid of the 02, my hope of gaining weight and muscle tone, scars and getting rid of feeding tubes and I'm sure there are many other things but they are not coming to mind right now. It is hard (for me) to be in this condition when I see everyday on TV, out in public and magazines what the true female figure is to look like and its hard knowing I'm different. but at the same time I feel it is very selfish of me to think this way. I should be thankful for how God created me, for I was created in His image and made to glorify Him, I don't see how I can do it this way, but He does. All this to get at the point that I think God is teaching me that it's not about how this will change my outward appearance but how someone I don't even know will give me a second chance to live and that alone should make me grateful and it does. And yes, the selfish side comes out again when after transplant yes I'll have the puffy chipmonk cheeks, the tremors and thin hair from all the meds, but it is like my good friend Pam told me: "who cares what you look like, you can breathe!" Which is very true. So in all this waiting, I'm praying that God will create in me a pure heart, rid me of this selfishness that haunts me and just be thankful for the gift I will recieve so that I can go and help others.
I'd appreciate it if you'd keep me and this matter in your prayers! I will overcome!
Oh, Kerry. May God teach you through and through that His definition of beauty is not synonymous with our western culture's definition of beauty (see 1 Samuel 16:7). I wish the wait for your new organs wasn't as long for you, but I know He is using this time to stretch you, grow you, and continue to mold you into the woman He created you to be. Have courage, friend, and thank you for the specific prayer requests. We pray for you all the time!
ReplyDeleteKerry, I echo what Hannah said. I Samual 16:7 has always been a favorite verse of mine. Keep in mind also, that if those women on TV were what we all look like then we all could have gotten that job...but since NONE of us look like those air-brushed models we're stuck in our boring accounting jobs ;) Miss you terribly my friend, any praying for you.
ReplyDeleteI'm sorry, who are you- "The Secret" I went to your blog and it had no info.
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